How exciting!

This morning I expressed myself to my friend: “I’m really quite excited about that!”. This excitement looks good on a paper/screen and one could understand that I am really looking forward to something (ok, adding ‘quite’ to my quote, lowers the level of emotion, or let’s say it means that I didn’t necessarily want to go over the top with showing my excitement), but if you also imagine my Estonian-like intonation when saying it, you might want to ask: “Are you sure? It doesn’t sound like it.”

Yes, it doesn’t sound but could have, as I have familiarised myself how to show elated emotion and I do use a high-pitched voice from time to time (and then get mocked by Matt), but I guess by now my friends here have learnt how to read me and I’m hoping I can get away with my monotonous and rather blunt expression.

I have to point out that although I’m lacking an excitement-showing skill, I am pretty good at showing off embarrassment by blushing heavily when needed (and more often when I’d be better off hiding it) and believe me, I am the top person in sobbing. Since having the children almost anything can make me cry, just give it a try, and I’m certain I can find ‘something in my eye’. I have to admit that occasionally these tearful eyes can be a bit embarrassing but then I embrace my blushing skills and show what I can do best, using two of my top skills at once!

My excitement levels CAN be pretty high :)

To think about it though, this crying ability might actually be a learnt skill (which has amplified thanks to all these female hormones and years of developing from-girl-to-woman-to-mother), learnt when I was a child and was after compassion and understanding. For example, once when I failed at school and got graded the lowest score for the first time in my life, I went home, sat humbly in our hallway, rucksack still on my back, shoes and coat on, my parents coming to enquire what’s wrong with me, have I come down with something? And then me looking up, ashamed. The next step of action was the only option – to start crying. It was so obvious – firstly cry to get the sorrow and compassion and only then, after that tell the parents what had happened. First class manipulation! …and I’ve already spotted similar characteristics (or should I say tactics being used?) by my own children…

So I do have and show (and use) my emotions, and if you’re not sure what I’m thinking or how I feel (I watched the other night Swedish crime series and oh, how I couldn’t read their facial expressions and receive any hints from their intonation, and just had to concentrate on subtitles), but would like to know, please do ask. I don’t mind (and might be able to convince you of my actual thoughts and feelings).

And additionally on a similar note – my first blog here also explains my frustration and/or inability of being positively expressive, but I am learning to be more skilful in this field, and you never know... when visiting Estonia next time, I might frighten them off with a massive smile, overwhelming positiveness or worse, compliment them for being wonderful, fantastic and amazingly brilliant!